We have a ONE-YEAR-OLD!
Felix the boy wonder is officially one. It is hard to believe, well easy to believe, but, look time can’t be explained when perceived through the eyes of new parents. I already posted on the metaphysics of babies. Point is he is one and getting into serious baby business, which we’ll get into later. But first, Birthday Business!
The First Birthday, a baby has no idea what or why it’s happening or even what to do. This party is purely for parents, family and friends to celebrate making it through the first year. If we didn’t have to take care of a toddler parents would get pretty drunk at these parties, well my kind of parents. But then you wouldn’t remember all the great times of cake smashing and wrapping paper shredding. Oh wait that didn’t happen.
Nope, Mr. Felix is a fairly restrained baby with a methodological approach to new stimuli. Hence when given cake to smash he pokes, ponders, pokes, postulates and finally into the mouth to test his postulation. Very scientific and not unlike that of the Zoologist from Prometheus, only with much better results. Cake! Delicious cake, that was much better for eating than smashing. So with the dignified grace usually reserved for royal babies Felix indulged in birthday cake for the first time.
Awwwwww. Now it’s time for presents!
When you want a baby to unwrap presents in an excited manner, don’t give them a shiny balloon right at the start. After that nothing matters but balloon. Balloon. Balloooooon! Who cares about decorative paper and ribbons? BALLOON!
To us though it mattered that we controlled the size and quantity of toys as we have a small space that is already over run. Much to our enthusiasm –AND FELIX’S!– he received many awesome books! Great job Framily! Please don’t sue me Sprint.
Felix was so overcome with excitement for one book in particular (I Love You Stinky Face) that he grabbed it and began turning pages. He even gave it a hearty review: A smile and an “ahuh-ahuh” laugh. All books were great, as they had combinations of creative art and design, clever and silly stories, or expressed an early concept especially well. Press Here anyone?
I would like to thank our nieces and nephews who showed up and brought the raucous –Rawkus Records I hate you for killing my ability to EVER spell raucous correctly on the first try, Mos Def– and wild calamity of screaming fun that should be found at every child’s birthday party. For a while I thought we would have to pipe it in, but the 12th crew showed up loud and proud!
Here comes a segue, the hard way.
Baby Business, what is it? Well it’s easy to recognize but hard to understand. It happens when he abandons blocks he was just engrossed in stacking or drops a toy without warning, and then the charge. Fat hands slap the ground like it was a villainous monster about to impede his progress. Barreling over and through any object in his path his Baby Business does not wait! He arrives at his destination –often the bedroom– looks around, babbles, and heads back to his previous task with equal efficiency. Baby Business completed. It’s amusing to watch and wonder about what called him to action? Is this play? Was something on his mind? Did he hear a cat? Is he communing with ghosts in our apartment?!?!?! I hope it’s not ghosts. If there are ghosts, he better be keeping them inline.
Other times Baby Business is understandable. Felix can shut the refrigerator door, and understands us when we ask him to. He has taken this on as his chore. Mainly because it also gives him a chance to play –supervised– in front of the open fridge. Which is literally, pretty cool. So cool that when we open the fridge he drops everything and hustles over. He’ll grab the door with all the authority of a Senior Refrigerator Attendant Local 116 saying, “Whoa pal. This can’t be operated by anyone. Are you in the Union? No. Then step back and let me do my job.”
With Baby Union backed authority he commanders the fridge door and begins pulling condiments from the bottom shelf for inspection. “Condiments check out. Nothing expired.”
“Please put them back,” we ask.
Amazingly Felix puts them back. We believe this is a required stipulation negotiated by the Parents Union, but like to remind him just in case it slips his mind.
“Please close the door,” we ask.
Using a specially orchestrated multi-step-maneuver –that is backed by Baby Union standards–, that is quite similar to backing out of a bumper-to-bumper parking space, he closes the door.
We applaud and say, “Thank you for your fine service.”
Felix just says, “Right pal. Here’s the bill. Due in 30 days.” Waves us off and is back to his previous task or off to more Baby Business.
He doesn’t just bring this ingenuity, passion and dedication to his thriving refrigerator access solutions business, but also to his phenomenal startup Flooragers Inc. providing organic, locally sourced and sustainable food from your floor to your food-hole. Flooragers just closed a lucrative Series A funding round with mega-angel-investor Monster Towel; for a reported 10 million. 10 million what? That has not been reported, you never know with Monster Towel. With these great accomplishments already under his diaper, In Storyland is proud to announce Felix as our 2014 Infantrepreneur of the Year!
Kudos to you Mr. Felix, 2014 Infatrepreneur of the Year. (Standing applause)